Thursday, February 28, 2013

Farewell, Key Lime

As those of you who read this blog know, I have certain food obsessions.  Some of these include--

1.  Mexican Coke
2.  Red Velvet anything
3.  Brach's Malted Milk Easter Eggs (obv)
4.  Cupcakes
5.  Donuts sometimes (although this is seasonal)
6.  Chile rellenos
7.  Potato salad (I should possibly put this one at the top of my list)
8.  Cole slaw
9.  Fish and chips
10. Fries in general
11. Raisin-filled cookies (the old ZCMI bakery made especially good ones--and also they had good hot dogs, which doesn't do any of us a damn bit of good now)
12.  Rum bars
13.  Key lime pie

Okay.  A couple of thoughts before I get to my main point.  I look at this list and  see now that I might die of a stroke, after which I'll die of a heart attack.  Also, I always say I don't have a Sweet Tooth like TRQ, but really?

Human beings.  We're all about kidding ourselves.

Anyway, that's my list.  And I will drive long distances to find and/or sample said items on said list.  Even when I know that my heart will be broken, as is always the case with red velvet and often the case with raisin-filled cookies.  But whatever.

I may have to drop #13 off my list, however.  When I was in St. George, I decided to mix up my pie-eating regimen.  Instead of only ordering rhubarb pie at Croshaw's, I decided to buy a key lime pie this time around.  So I did.  A whole one, because you can't buy just one slice of key lime there.  I was a little afraid to do this, because I feared I might eat the whole thing.  By myself.  Which I did.  And it was, for the record, excellent key lime pie.

Only here's what happened.  I got dropped with the stomach flu that night--it was the flu, not just the result of overeating (I am an expert on this front)--and let me just say that the key lime pie and I revisited each other for the next 24 hours.  A lot.  And . . . wow.  I never want to make the acquaintance of another key lime pie for as long as I live.  Which makes me sort of sad.

It was a good long run.  Like Frazier.  Or Karl Malone and John Stockton.  Or Queen Elizabeth II.  Who's still running, now that I think about it.

R.I.P. Key lime pie.


Becca said...

That is a truly sad story. And I think, sometimes, that I need a really good stomach virus after a huge bowl of buttered popcorn. That, I tell myself, would solve my popcorn problem. (Except I know it wouldn't.)

Lisa B. said...

This is one of my absolute favorite posts of all times because of that list of foods. I love it so much.

I remember a similar incident involving a beautiful, homemade lemon meringue pie. I don't even like lemon meringue pie that much, but I thought they were beautiful and I should have one in my repertoire and maybe I would like it if I made it? anyway, the violent return of that pie--I ate precisely one slice--has made it so that lemon meringue pie is pretty much my enemy. I don't hate it, but it needs to keep its distance.

Louise Plummer said...

I would add chocolate eclairs from Bakers de Normandy (because they are perfect). It' worth a drive to Holladay to have one of those big babies.

James said...

In-N-Out did that to me once. (Unfortunately a perfect name for the restaurant during that episode.) It was a double-double, and I couldn't help but think it may have been different with just a single...Almost like a cosmic joke that I don't really need to eat two of anything. Well its been 5 years, and I am just now eating at In-N-Out again, but now I get no spread but chiles. Luckily, there are lots of other good burgers out there to have carried me through. Give it five years. I see a sliver of Key Lime resting comfortably in your stomach.

cfarr said...

So sorry about the key lime pie-one of my loves as well. But at least you have rum bars!!

Melody said...

Lovely list. ZCMI raisin-filled cookies. I thought it was only me.

Also, I can't tell you how many times I wake up in the morning thinking, "What amazing thing can I eat today?" Food as mood-altering substance, coping mechanism, reason to live, reason not to die, reason to get out of bed and do all the other crap that needs to be done. . . chile rellenos.