Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Political correctness

So I try to keep up on these things, but sometimes I'm surprised.  Like when I wrote this column I used the term "Native American" at first, but then my smartypants son told me that term is now politically incorrect.

Moments like these help me to understand why my parents, who are in their 80s, will occasionally still say words like "deformed."  I'm guessing that one isn't very politically correct, is it?  But this is how they refer to their poodle's back leg.  Their poodle, they say, was supposed to be a show dog, except he has a "deformed" back leg.  So now he's only 3/4s of a show dog.

I love that 3/4s of a show dog lives in my parents' house.

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Dear My Blog

Dear My Blog,

How did this happen?  How did I let you turn into the houseplant that you put in the corner and then forget to water so that it shrivels up and dies, except before dying it makes you feel guilty and like a really bad person for letting something that was once green and full of hope turn into this yellow brittle almost-dead thing sitting in a cheap pot?

I'm sorry.  You didn't deserve my inattention.

Here's what happened, I think.

I had an exhausting summer.  And then I took on a few new obligations which I am excited about--working regular shifts at The King's English, for example--but suddenly I just felt busier and a little bit crazed and things sort of went by the wayside.  Like laundry.  And you.

However, I now feel more able to manage.  I won't replace you with another houseplant.  I'll just do my best to revive you.

Best wishes,

Ann Cannon

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

A tiny Halloween screed

Right, I know I said I like Halloween.  I even wrote a column about it.  But I do have this question:  when did we start celebrating Halloween for an entire week?  Between school parties and church parties--all of which involve costumes and candy--I wonder if kids are worn out by the time Halloween actually arrives?

I think Halloween should be one day.  On Halloween.  Having too much of a good thing serves to diminish that good thing, don't you think?


Monday, October 27, 2014

Another Monday, another column

So it must be said that I am not a good loser.

And to tell you the truth, this column is actually more about football than it is about baseball  . . .

Saturday, October 25, 2014

Something I suddenly missed today at the grocery store

Someone to help me take out my groceries (of which there were MANY) and load my car.

This used to be a standard part of the shopping experience.  An adolescent boy in his special grocery store uniform would help you out if you wanted him to.  Which I sometimes did, actually.

But now?  No.  The helpful grocery store boys have gone the way of the helpful gas station attendants and I miss all of them sometimes.  Like I did early this morning when I was slinging bags of dog food and cartons of soda and other things of an awkward size into the back of my car.

What do you miss?


Tuesday, October 21, 2014

What I bought instead of dog food, which I went to the store for in the first place . .

I bought a gnome with a Rudolph nose and antlers.

It was just standing there on top of the ice cream freezer, calling my name, saying, "I know it's not Christmas yet.  And I know that I'm not even officially on sale yet, which is why I and my antlers are standing on top of the ice cream freezer where nobody can reach us.  BUT.  I should go home with you and take my place amongst the many gnomes who reside in your yard."

So I made Tim from the pharmacy get the gnome down for me and when I held it in my arms like a toddler--a cute one with antlers and a Rudolph nose--I discovered a button.

A BUTTON.

A button on its feet.  So I pushed the button and the nose and other body parts (appropriate ones) LIT UP.  So then I walked through the store and the parking lot with a gnome with flashing body parts, cradled in my arms like a grandchild.  You could almost see people feel sorry for me.  And sorrier for my family.

But I feel fulfilled right now.

SCORE!!

Monday, October 20, 2014

Lisa B writes about Halloween

So those of you who read my blog know Lisa B., my friend of many years who got me into blogging and who writes snappy comments.  Anyway, she pretty much wrote most of my column this week.

I think I owe her dinner at least.  Don't you?