Friday, April 29, 2011

Oh, I am so tired

I just posted that last bit, read it through, and noticed I said that I liked that Kate wore her hair today. Good call, Princess! Wearing hair to your own wedding is seriously recommended.

So I added the word "down" as in she wore her hair down.

Time to stop blogging today. Past time, even.

One last thought about the wedding aesthetic

I like that Kate wore her hair down, don't you? No prom hair for Kate on her big day. And I think it looked lovely and shiny and softly curly, and I just realized right this very minute, she bears an astonishing resemblance to my friend Martha's daughter, Andrea. Who's getting married next month. Maybe I should tell Andrea to skip the prom hair?

When all's said and done, here's what I learned today

Herbal tea tastes better with cream.

Why haven't I ever put cream in tea before? It's divine. So thanks, Royal Family! You put me in the mood to go all splurge-y and now I'll never drink virgin tea again!

When all's said and done, here's what I learned today

Herbal tea tastes better with cream.

Why haven't I ever put cream in tea before? It's divine. So thanks, Royal Family! You put me in the mood to go all splurge-y and now I'll never drink virgin tea again!

Um . . .

As short as my kiss was, it was longer than Kate and Wills'.


The Kiss

Hi, Amelia over there in Scotland (with a new baby!). We're waiting for the kiss, too. HOPING it's not an Al and Tipper Gore moment.

I was so nervous for the altar kiss when Ken and I got married. And in the end (because I was so nervous) we barely kissed. We pecked. And people mocked us after for it.

I keep expecting

. . . the archbishop to say "MAH-WAGE" (and now I can't remember the rest of the gag from Princess Bride).

And here comes the bride

We're catching glimpses of her in the car with her dad--lacy bodice and all. And the veil, the veil. I am digging this.

I gotta say

. . . that Queen Elizabeth is pretty awesome. 85 and still kicking butt.


Waity Katie's mom is hot! Nice outfit. They keep saying it's powder blue--looks dove grey on my TV.

oh how times do change

One of Diana's great virtues is that she was a virgin. This was very, very important at the time. And now we have Kate and Wills living together--which does speak to their suitability, perhaps. But it's interesting how much things have changed since the early 80's.


. . . to the clergy in the red dress. I always love me a clergyman in a red dress.

It's been said a million times before . . .

but the Brits know how to do pomp. Way to go, Brits!

British cars

. . . are my favorite. Give me a Bentley or a Rolls, please.

Here comes the Prime Minister

He's not in a tux and his wife isn't wearing a hat. She looks kind of naked, actually.

Let's take a vote

Should hats make a comeback? Would you be willing to help hats make a comeback.

For the record, I'm wearing a hat right now. It's from the forties, I believe. With feathers. I am being very careful not to move my head.


It's comforting to know you're sitting in your apartment a few blocks away from here, also watching boys in snappy uniforms.

Marching bands

The boys are looking good in their snappy uniforms. WELL-PLAYED, BOYS IN YOUR SNAPPY UNIFORMS!

Did I say?

There are a lot of feathers attending this wedding?
Oops! I was so excited to see Elton John in his lilac tie that i accidentally pushed the POST button.

AND LOOK AT THE HATS! Feathers, feathers, everywhere feathers!


And le voila! Here I am!

I just finished making up some scones because you know how it is when you get up at 1:30 in the morning. You always say to yourself, "hey! why don't I make some scones!"

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Live blogging the royal wedding

Yes. I think I'll do it. I'll be up this morning around 3:00 with warm scones and tea. If you're in the neighborhood, put on a hat and join me in my back room. Otherwise, we'll share the moment of the royal kiss in cyberspace.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Love poetry by young guys

Quinton has been going through old school papers. He just shared this poem he had to write when he was a freshman. CLEARLY someone wasn't very happy with the assignment . . .

This is about how I hate love sonnets,
They use stupid language and metaphors:
They have stupid girls in stupid bonnets,
Goodness, just thinking of them makes me snore.
I cannot figure out why people love them,
I can’t describe why they suck, they just do:
These moronic poems are condemned,
And are simply quite splendidly untrue.
Anybody can write these stupid things,
Though, some are better at it than others:
But Shakespeare’s got nothing on my writings,
Though, he’s slightly better than my brothers.
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
These poems will bring displeasure to me.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Young Love

Thirty-four years ago today my parents and I got in the car and drove over to Ken Cannon's house. He was going to ride up to Salt Lake with us, because, you know, we were getting married.

Only when we got to his house, Ken's mom said he was in the bathroom throwing up. So I went back to the car and told my parents that Ken was in his bathroom throwing up. Then I burst into tears. The boy was having second thoughts about marrying me. CLEARLY! Time to pack it in and go home. We could just freeze the damn wedding cake and pull it out for birthdays. FOR THE REST OF MY MISERABLE LIFE.

My parents, however, said we'd wait for Ken. Which we did. We sat in the driveway and waited until Ken was finished with his business and whatnot and so forth. Eventually, he wobbled outside into the pale April sunshine, blinked and climbed into the back seat with me, all clammy and wan.

And then we drove to Salt Lake. And then we got married.

Best. Decision. Ever.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Some thoughts on plays

Doni called to say she had tickets to see FRANKENSTEIN and did I want to go with her. I got things all mixed up in my head and thought she had tickets to see Mel Brooks' YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN (the musical!). Anyway, I said yes because it was Doni and I LOVE Doni because she's the best. But dude. I was also excited to see YF.

Only she didn't have tickets to the play--or at least THAT play. She had tickets to a a filmed version of the stage play FRANKENSTEIN currently running in London. And suddenly I had anxiety because I can get nervous watching plays with no dancing involved. Especially if they go for over two hours. I get really claustrophobic, in fact. Like, the house lights go down and I start thinking, I'M TRAPPED IN THIS SEAT AND THIS SEAT IS ON THE TITANIC AND THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT. BECAUSE I'M TRAPPED.

But actually the play turned out to be pretty fabulous. It's been on my mind ever since I saw it on Saturday. It gives you plenty to think about, including the subject of who's really more monstrous, man or monster. Also Johnny Lee Miller was terrific as Frankenstein. I wanted to call him after and tell him how great he was and also ask him what it was like to be married to Angelina Jolie for five minutes when they were younger.

Thanks, Doni, for a nice evening.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

And now it's Easter

When it's spring, I go into noticing mode--noticing each new thing reappearing in my garden, and so it's no surprise that Easter, even more than Thanksgiving, stops me up short and causes me to acknowledge with deep gratitude the tender mercies present in my life.

You, for instance.


Friday, April 22, 2011

Pomp and Circumstance

Our Dylan graduated from BYU today. Congratulations, Dylan! It seems just like yesterday that you were stuffing baseball bats down the back of your shirts because you were the awesome and fearless ninja turtle Donatello and you NEVER left home without your bow.

I always felt very safe in your presence in those days, Dylan. Thank you.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Modern Family

Did you catch last night's episode? V. funny, I thought. Also, I could relate. In case you didn't see, Mitch and Cam were busy trying to figure out who they should appoint as Lily's guardians in case of their (tragic) (also early) deaths. I know. I'm talking about them like they're real. That's because THEY'RE MY TV FRIENDS, AND I LOVE MY TV FRIENDS.

Anyway, I remember back in the day how I felt really bad that no one--my brothers, Ken's sisters, Becky--made me their kids' guardians. I kept wondering what was wrong with me. Did they think I would let their kids swallow staples, in which case I would have to rush them to the ER? The answer is NO! I would have not let their kids swallow staples.

We only let our birth children swallow those. Duh.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Now here's a thing that makes me happy

Seeing the way Alec (my son) plays with Chloe (my grandbaby). He tosses her around and hangs her upside down by her tiny heels and blows noisy raspberries on her stomach. And the whole time that girl baby is just SHRIEKING with crazy happiness.

It reminds me so much of how my dad used to play with me. He was coaching football AND wrestling at Granite High School, and while he knew something about football, he was a novice wrestler. He jokes that he coached while reading outloud from a 1950's version of THE DUMMY'S GUIDE TO WRESTLING. So sometimes he'd practice wrestling holds on me. OKAY HERE GOES! he'd shout. HALF-NELSON! And the next thing you knew I'd be flat on my back on the living room floor, flat-out gulping with laughter and so would he.

I know. I hit the Dad Jackpot. And so has Chloe.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

If you're in the neighborhood, Happy Birthday, Nick Hornby!

Once when my family was driving through Selma, Alabama (it was the summer we lived in our car as my father had to drive all over the nation to keep young football players from changing their minds about committing to BYU--thank GOODNESS the NCAA finally instituted a National Letter of Intent Day!), we saw a marquee in front of a ratty little motel that said WELCOME, JOHN WAYNE, IF YOU'RE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

Apparently word had gotten out that Wayne was filming somewhere in the south, so hey! Why not throw up a welcome sign?

Anyway, if Nick Hornby gets google alerts (which I'm sure he doesn't), I'd like to take this opportunity to wish him Happy Birthday (thanks, Writer's Almanac, for sharing the news!). A LONG WAY DOWN is one of my favorite books ever. I love the way Hornby makes me laugh and cry both. I think he's brilliant. So does my brother Jimmy. So do my neighbors Jake and Annmarie.

So yeah. If you're in the neighborhood, Nick Hornby, Jimmy and Jake and Annmarie and I wish you a happy birthday.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

I am

. . . sort of stunned. I took our newfie, Zora, to the vet today and she now tips the scales at 200 pounds. No wonder she can't jump into my car. Instead she just stares at me and says, "Yeah, let's see how nimble you'd be with a backside like mine."

This just goes to show how delusional I can be. I've been thinking that she looks slimmer somehow. In spite of all those pancakes we feed her.

That's it. Time to put that dog on a diet.

Monday, April 11, 2011

The things that end up mattering, pt. 2

So I've told you how much I enjoy my monthly visits to a nearby care center. I thought I should balance that story with this one.

When my kids were little I decided I would go to a rest home and play the piano during lunch hour for entertainment purposes. Yes. I was the Piano Man, serving up ballads at a bar. Only I wasn't a man and the rest home wasn't a bar. Also, unlike Billy Joel, I am a crap pianist. But still. I thought it was a generous gesture on my part to bring a little music! and sunshine! into the lives of people confined to a care center. Besides, I figured, the residents wouldn't a) notice or b) care that I stunk. They would just be grateful.

I made arrangements with a nearby rest home. I arrived at lunch hour and sat down at the piano in the cafeteria to play some tunes, not unlike that guy at Nordstrom who plays cocktail music while you're trying on shoes. Well. Pretty soon I noticed there was some shouting. AT ME. These two old guys sat at a nearby table like those muppets in the balcony and told me that I sucked.

TWO OLD GUYS: Hey! You stink!

Anyway. I never went back.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

The things that end up mattering. pt. 1

About a billion years ago, I was asked by the stake to teach monthly Relief Society lessons at a neighborhood nursing home, and I have been doing it ever since. The first time I taught, I went prepared with a standard presentation, including a list of questions to engage my listeners. When I rolled out the first question, an elderly woman on the front row raised her hand.

"Yes?" I said, beaming with teacherly encouragement.

"My birthday is December 5," she said.

Which wasn't, technically speaking, the correct answer. But it was an insightful one--especially for me. I realized right then and there that I needed to come up with a different kind of lesson, one that we could all enjoy. And so I began taking in children's picture books and reading them aloud to the residents who embrace the stories and illustrations with utter delight. I visited this morning and attempted to read ORDINARY MARY'S EXTRAORDINARY DEED, although after a page or two I had to hand the book off to the pianist (aka my stunt double) to finish for me. BECAUSE I AM STILL WHISPERING.

Anyway. Here's what I want to say. All those years ago when I first said yes to this assignment, I had no idea my experiences with these residents who live mostly in the present moment because there is no other place for them to live would mean so very much to me.

I'm lucky.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Here's something I've noticed when you whisper to everyone because you've lost your voice

Everyone whispers back at you. Even the guy at the bank and the guy at Einstein's Bagels.

Phil just dropped by to say hey. He whispered at me, too. And then he finally went, "Why are we both whispering?"

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

A mini report

I went to Eugene, OR last week with a suitcase full of clothes and a heart full of love.

I returned from Eugene, OR with a suitcase full of clothes, a heart full of love, and no voice. When I CAN talk, I sound like Marge Simpson's sisters, Selma and Patty. Or like Lindsey on ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT when she said hi to Steve Holt. Or like I've been smoking five packs a day. Since kindergarten.

Fantastic trip, though. Didn't do much but sit around and marvel at the baby and her parents. They're all so beautiful.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Lucky moi

For my birthday Ken gave me a ticket to Eugene for baby-kissing purposes. I'm on my way in a few minutes. Can't wait to squeeze that little girl.