Thursday, March 7, 2013

America's #1 Bubble Bath

So I have an Avon Lady.  I KNOW!  I feel just like Laura Petrie or Lucy Ricardo or someone else who lived inside my TV during the 1960s.

Anyway.  I love her.  She's great, and she works hard to keep my skin looking dewy.  Also, I must say that Avon turns out a good product at a ridiculously affordable price.  (You're welcome, Avon!)

One of the things I love about my Avon Lady is that she leaves things on my doorstep--little books and brochures and so forth.  And yesterday I came home to a flier called "America's #1 Bubble Bath" with the subtitle "Avon's Bubble Bath Has Many Uses."  WHICH I LIST BELOW.  VERBATIM.

1.  Produces "zillions" of bubbles that leave no bathtub ring.
2.  Does a beautiful job on washing cars, mobile homes, recreational vehicles, etc.
3.  Use it as a laundry detergent.
4.  Use if for hand washing or delicate laundry.
5.  Is it for a pre-soak on heavily soiled laundry, also great for "ring around the collar."
6.  It is the best blood stain remover we have found.
7.  Use it to wash windows.
8.  Clean appliances with it.
9.  Use it to wash dishes.
10. Bathe pets in it.
11. Cleans and shines bathroom fixtures and mirrors.
12. Use it on no-wax floors.
13. Shampoo carpets with it (either a whole room or just a spot)
14.  Use it wash walls and ceilings.
15.  With a sponge, shampoo furniture of vehicle interiors.
16.  It's recommended for children's baths by pediatricians.

The flier ends with this observation (all in caps) (in case we're deaf):  "AVON BUBBLE BATH SMELLS CLEAN AND FRESH--IT'S SO MILD.  IT IS NOT AT ALL HARSH ON YOUR HANDS OR SKIN!"

Okay, there are so many things about this list I love, I don't even know where to start.  How can you not love a product that not only cleans YOU but your pets and your mobile home as well?  And really wouldn't you love to watch an episode of PERSON OF INTEREST where John offers to pre-soak the clothes of the people he just shot in a little Avon bubble bath?  His journey from tortured anti-hero to  hero would be complete.  Redemption for real.

Please feel free to add uses of your own to this list.


radagast said...

1. Use it to wash over-wintered gnomes.
2. Use it when Calgon fails to do the trick.
3. Use it when Ricky/Rob/Darren has been just beastly to you.
4. Mix with vodka and lysol for an effervescent Homemaker's Cocktail.

Louise Plummer said...

They had me with #1 and lost me with #2.

CSIowa said...

I appreciate your enthusiasm, Ann. It's pretty infectious. Be careful about taking one of those gnomes into the tub with you! Still, I'm with Louise. I don't want my relaxation mixed with chores. I boycotted Dove chocolates for a whole month last year when they put Martha Stewart craft-project ideas inside the chocolate wrappers. They fixed it soon after by changing to innocuous thoughts like, "Be good to yourself."

I often feel kind of smart when I know things like who Laura Petrie is, since she predates me. Today I could only think that, although none of my classmates knows who Laura Petrie is, it just means that I am old.