A little while ago I realized that I'm starting to fade. Literally. That's what happens when you age--everything about you just gets a whiter shade of pale. So I started wearing eye makeup again so that people will still see me waiting to check out a book at the circ desk or sitting there on the pew at church or standing at the counter to order hamburgers (current fave: Crown Burger). It would suck not to get a Crown Burger because the people who work there can't see me anymore.
Okay. Good call, right? Except that because I'm me, I'm kinda only half-aware of what I'm throwing into the shopping cart. I need some eyeliner? Okay. Fine. Whatever. This one'll do.
And that, folks, is how I buy my makeup.
Anyway, before leaving the house this morning, I grabbed one of the newer eyeliner stick thingys floating around in the drawer--(I like that image btw: like my eyeliner is floating around in my drawer on a little innertube with a beach umbrella while sipping a Mai Tai)--and quickly applied some color to my face.
Then Ken Cannon got a look at me.
KC: Wait. What did you do to your eyes?
ME: Used some eyeliner. You know. Like I did when we were in high school.
KC: But your eyes. They're glittering.
ME: They always glitter since I had the cataracts removed and the doctor put Hubble Telescopes in my eyeballs so I can see Mars from my house. Cyborg eyes are awesome!
KC: It's not that. Your makeup is glittering.
So I checked myself in my mirror, and he was right. This eyeliner that I barely paid attention to when I a) bought it and b) applied it, is blue. And it glitters. So now I look like a cast member of Cats.
And the worst part? It's waterproof.
Which makes a PERMANENT cast member of Cats, obv.