Well. Just one thing today, actually. Your pilot. Who keeps updating you from the cockpit about why you're stuck on the tarmac.
"We have a maintenance issue."
"Maintenance should be here soon."
"There are so many redundant systems on a plane like this, you don't know what is wrong when you get a message like the error message we just got."
"But your safety is our utmost concern."
"It's a switch problem."
"We're replacing the switch."
"Maintenance is on their way with the part now."
"Maintenance is here now, replacing the switch."
"Replacing a switch takes 10 minutes. That's good news."
"Okay. We can take off as soon as everybody gets out of the lavatory."
Maybe it's comforting to other passengers to hear updates like this from the pilot. But I'm not one of them. In fact, I don't want to see or hear my pilot. I don't want to experience my pilot as a human being at all. I just want to pretend it's the Almighty Himself sitting up there.
Flying my damn airplane to North Carolina so we can see our son graduate.