I've said this before and I'll say it again--one of the most important things you can do to improve your writing is to read ALOUD what you've written. Better yet, get someone else to read what you've written ALOUD to you. It's just amazing the things you'll pick up--repetition, diction issues, pacing problems, all manner of howlers.
I just read this aloud, and I think it's good to go!
Now I am going to give some serious thought to buying a piece of key lime pie from Niche this afternoon. Take out, of course. I don't feel like dressing up today. Not even for key lime pie.