Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Wherein I am intimidated by an elderly woman in a motorized scooter

So yesterday I stopped briefly at Smith's Marketplace to buy some cheese for toasted cheese sandwiches.

But before I continue with my cheese story, I do want to ask a question: when did Valentine's Day become the new Christmas? Everywhere I looked, people were buying bouquets of flowers and little boxes of jewelry and gift cards and suddenly I began to wonder if those conversation hearts I'd bought at the Dollar Store and sent to my kids were enough.

Sorry, Kids! Your mother is a lame-o!

Anyway. As I say, I wanted to buy cheese. Sliced cheese because (yawn) I'm lazy. And also I like it extra sharp. So there I was, fingering a nice package of Tillamook that met all my personal cheese requirements, when suddenly this older woman (with no teeth) kind of assaulted me with her scooter and asked to see my cheese. So I showed her, whereupon she made me reach for another, much larger package of MILD cheese and read OUT LOUD how much that weighed and how much it cost just like my scary third grade teacher, Mrs. Rigby (who clearly was a nun in a former life because she always smacked my knuckles with a ruler) used to make us read story problems. ANYWAY. When I finished reading the relevant cheese data to her, she looked at me and asked with the superiority of someone who's way better at math than you are, "Now which one do YOU think is a better deal?"

Well, it was the cheese I didn't want. Obv. But I bought it anyway, because I don't want the scooter lady's spirit to haunt me in the years ahead.


SWILUA said...


my mom just offered to buy me an old-lady scooter.

I don't know how I feel about that.


Becca said...

Did you know I went to Catholic school? True. And the nuns deserve their reputations. But you'd be mean, too, if you had to wear ugly shoes all the time.

Sorry you let her bully you about your cheese. But I don't think I could have stood up to her either. Maybe together, we could have handled it...

James said...

This is a great story. Sometimes we do things for the greater good. You bought the MILD, and Super-Scooter-Cheese Woman felt good about saving someone for overpaying for cheese. Win-Win...except for the part that you didn't get to buy the extra-sharp Tillamook. It is really good.

CSIowa said...

I shudder to think what might have happened had you been looking at Gruyere.

Lisa B. said...

You don't have to explain your cheese-purchasing decisions to no one, as a wise man once told me when I was apologizing for having purchased a Dodge Spirit. Which, really, was a terrible car, there are no words. Cheese bullies! There oughta be a law.

Louise Plummer said...

My father used to say, "You can do that if you drive a truck." Evidently, it's true for scooters too. It's hard to imagine you being cowed by a toothless old woman.

I'm craving a cheese sandwich.

Mystery Girl said...

As I'm not a fan of confrontation I would've picked up the big packet, walked around the store and-after checking scooter lady wasn't still in that aisle-gone back and swopped it for the extra-sharp Tillamook. (Can you tell I've finished the rewrite:-)

Emma said...

If I were to buy everything that some old lady cornered me into buying at the grocery store my fridge/pantry would be full of: prune juice, mild cheese, mild salsa, whole grain (with EXTRA fiber) bread, and shredded wheat.


Sorry you got the mild cheese.

Now get this, yesterday I watched an old lady park her Buick in the "For Expecting Mothers Only" parking space and hobble out...why she couldn't park in the handicap parking space right up front...well, no parking pass obviously. But come on! I held my tongue like a good little girl, even though I really wanted to say, "And WHEN ARE YOU DUE?"

Jeanna said...

Yikes! She sounds scary. I would've given in too.

Marcia said...

I think it was my grandpa (mom's dad) who told me sharp is better because you need less of it. I know for certain he's the one who gave me my first taste of extra-sharp cheddar cheese. I never looked back.

Becca's right. She's a bully.

link2literacy said...

Your Smith Marketplace sounds much more interesting than my plain old Smith's.

And I can't sign in using my Wordpress account anymore. What's going on?

Furthermore, the human police who make sure your readers are not robots have started using commas. I'm bothered by that because you don't HAVE to use a comma when listing only TWO word-a-majigs. I believe a conjunction is preferred.

I feel better now.