Friday, August 20, 2010

Some summers are like that

It's just been a trying summer all around for our boy Geoff, a fact I was recently discussing with my brother Jimmy. So Jimmy and I reminisced about those moments on the beach in June when suddenly Geoff emerged from the ocean with blood spurting like a gieser from his foot because (of course! why not!) he'd been stung by a stingray.

(Interesting side note: Did you know that roving gangs of stingrays have been terrorizing beach goers all summer long in southern California? It's true! There have been online news stories about The Rogue Stingrays of La Jolla and everything!)

Anyway, because we're from Utah none of us knew exactly what to do about Geoff's foot. So we sort of stood around and wrung our hands and looked at the foot in stunned silence while poor Geoff felt like he was passing a kidney stone. Finally Jim said he'd read somewhere that if you ever get stung by a stingray, you should totally pee on the wound. So in addition to feeling stunned, all of us started feeling mildly uncomfortable--the way you always do when someone brings up the subject of peeing on someone else.

FINALLY I just said to hell with it. Let's take the boy to the ER. And if they pee on him there, then FINE. So we took Geoff to the ER. As you already know.

But here's the story's recent coda: Jimmy called the other day and said it turned out he was wrong. If you get stung by a stingray, he said, you should NOT pee on the wound. That's the real rule. DO NOT PEE ON THE WOUND! NO MATTER WHAT YOU THOUGHT YOU READ BEFORE!

And then my fabulous brother made this very true observation: the only thing that could have made Geoffrey's summer worse was if his uncle had urinated on him in public.

So thank goodness we dodged THAT bullet.

9 comments:

thewritegroove said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I can't stop laughing, but please DON'T tell Geoff that one of your blogees got a great laugh from this post. I hate to add to his misery.

Imagine that I am whispering this next part: i just learned that one of my son LOVES to pee outside, and he's in his 30s. I'm pretty sure he's NOT a pervert, but still???? Btw,feel free to delete this comment. :/

candace said...

Thank you for brightening my day!! Even if poor Geoff had to be in pain for it. Thank you thank you!

LucindaF said...

Yes, it's not sting rays that require urine, it's jelly fish stings. WAY DIFFERENT!

And when urinating on relatives becomes a topic, I appreciate my femininity and the lack of aim that comes with it. For therein, I am removed from consideration. In other instances I have always been jealous that the world is not my urinal.

You're a funny girl, Ann Cannon.

Donna said...

Did it heal? How is he now? growing up on a shrimp boat in South Texas I had lots of experience with sting rays, and jelly fish. And by the way it isn't fun...I know fun, and sting rays are not fun.
Tell him he has a blood sister...and then give him a milk shake from me, I will pay you the next time I see you.

Alec said...

It definitely would have been "The Capistrano Vacation of Jim's Wiener" had that happened.

Lisa B. said...

This post is CLASSIC. I read it aloud to people at my house, and there was out-loud laughter. In fact, we LOLd. Hope Geoff's foot is okay.

And Alec's comment? Also CLASSIC.

Marcia said...

Ann, I love you.

Kerri said...

Oh my goodness, this was funny. I needed something funny tonight.

Bob the Woodworker said...

Now that we understand that it is not AMA-approved treatment to urinate on a stringray sting, I believe you should write a blog about what things that one should urinate on, just so we're all clear on that. You could include, for example, reference to Moises Alou's practice of "toughening up" his hands for batting by, well you know . . .