Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Shock/Retail Therapy

So I stopped at Smiths on the way home from UVU today to buy crap for dinner. Because what could be yummier than crap for dinner?

Anyhoo, as I was strolling up and down the aisles (wondering WHY OH WHY OH WHY the Avenues Smiths keeps moving stuff around) I noticed that little jolts of electrical currents were running up my fingers and into my arms. But how could that be? It's not like I was rubbing my feet on my family's old shag "candy stripe" carpet in the basement so I could shock myself on purpose. (See what fun we had growing up in Provo? DUDE! LET'S PUT ON OUR CARPET SLIPPERS, DRAG OUR FEET AROUND THE SHAG CARPET AND SHOCK OURSELVES ON PURPOSE!)

But there I was at Smiths, getting shocked all the same. And it totally HURT. I felt exactly like that hapless male student in Bill Murray's bogus ESP experiment at the first of GHOSTBUSTERS. And like that student I wanted to yell, "Hey! You're pissing me off!" Because after all I went to Smiths to buy pasta, NOT to have a rogue shopping cart mess with my body's already challenged electrical systems.

Turns out that the cart was all haywire. It thought I was trying to remove it from the parking lot even though we were just standing there in the produce aisle by the organic vegetables. So I just turned to that cart and said, "Really? If I were gonna steal a cart, trust me. I'd steal one that was nice to me."

It's been a long, long, loooooooooooooooong day.

10 comments:

Kallie said...

Oh Ann! You are SOOO funny! Thank you for sharing your life with us!

SWILUA said...

I was at Smith's tonight, too! I hate the shock thing that happens.

radagast said...

The shock cart could be a good thing. For me, anyway. I could shuffle around trying all the free samples of bacon and brats and have my mobile defibrillator at the ready.

Becca said...

I didn't even know carts DID that. I feel the sudden need to shop in the Aves.

No. Wait. I don't. But I'm glad that YOU do.

Mystery Girl said...

Ann as a fellow sufferer I can sympathize although my shocking experiences come from getting in and out of my car so from now until fall rolls around I will be shutting the car door with my butt - it has more insulation:-)

Louise Plummer said...

I just hate Smith's. Period. Way too much of "check yourself out" and not enough service. They don't have the right yogurt brands. I can never find what I want.

But I do like entering through the flower aisle.

Still, I'm watching the new Harmons go up around the corner. Whoopty doo.

James said...

Electrocution by shopping cart is just one more thing for certain mothers to worry about. Funny blog.

Donna said...

wait...do you mean the shopping cart is electrically charged? That would never fly here...personal injury attorneys would be standing outside Smith's just like the Girl Scouts with their cookies....chocolate mint? Electrical charge? Talk about getting the economy going...

Mystery Girl said...

I can see the one call that's all lawyer on TV saying earnestly 'have you been the victim of an assault by static electricity? Our team of lawyers can prove it was nature's fault. If you would like to be involved in a class action lawsuit yada, yada, yada...

Lisa B. said...

A shopping cart that shocks you? is just NOT RIGHT. Is it a punishment? for shopping? Yes, it is, and that is just NOT RIGHT (I repeat).