Writing letters

I finished up a novel and sent it to Lovely Agent Tracey last week, which means I should start another. Only I don't feel like writing a book at the moment. Instead I want to write letters to famous people. Here's what I would write.

Dear Gwynneth Paltrow: Stop hanging out with Madonna. I think she could be a bad influence on you.

Dear Drew Barrymore: What's up with your hair these days anyway?

Dear J-Lo: I just read where you want your nanny to check in with you every thirty minutes and give you an update on the twins.
Dude. Can't you walk across the hall and take a look for yourself?

Dear Candy and Tori Spelling: Quit writing snotty books about each other. It isn't helpful.

Dear Angelina Jolie: Except for the kissing-my-brother-on-the-lips part, I used to want to be you. But now I think you're sorta crazy.

Dear Mel Gibson: I never saw a young man more handsome than you were in THE YEAR OF LIVING DANGEROUSLY. May I say I'm so very sad the years have not been kinder to you?

Dear George Clooney: Stop working for the fug girls and come work for me.

My son Geoffrey gave me a subscription to STAR magazine for my birthday last month. Best. Damn. Present. Ever.