Something you see a lot of in Eugene . . .

. . . are guys not wearing shirts. And I ask WHY? What is it about this place that makes men of all ages, sizes and shapes strip down to their pecs? Not a good look really. Most guys don't look like Matthew Mcconaughey or Mario Lanza with their shirts off. And the ones that do (including Matthew Mcconaughey and Mario Lanza) look vaguely narcissistic, you know?

Ken arrived yesterday to see the bambina. I'm happy to report he's kept his shirt on.

Had another Voodoo Doughnut this morning--the Voodoo Doll Doughnut with a pretzel stake through its heart. Because why not?

Something I'd forgotten

Babies are great when it comes to sucker punches.

To wit: you figure you'll get a lot of reading done because come on. Babies just sleep all the time. And they do. Kind of. Except you spend all your time watching them sleep. BECAUSE IT IS JUST SO ABSORBING.

To wit: I'll be taking home all those books (unread) that I brought to Eugene with me . . .

On the food front my daughter-in-law and I ate Indian yesterday. No bacon doughnuts for dessert, although I thought about it.

The happiest place on earth . . .

. . . isn't D-land. It's Eugene! Why? Because random citizens come up to you and say, "Hey, Lady, would you like to hear a joke?"

This happened to me and my daughter-in-law yesterday. Naturally I said OF COURSE! Who doesn't love it when random citizens come up to you and say, "Hey, Lady, would you like to hear a joke?"

So here's the joke: "Why do mermaids wear seashells?"
ANSWER: "Because the D-SHELLS ARE TOO BIG!"

You're welcome.

Babies, airline food, and other topics of interest

My grandbaby's parents have made the decision they're not crazy about posting baby pictures on the internet right now and I'm good with that. However, if you'd like to e-mail me I'm happy to send pictures of Chloe and also my other granddaughter, Chloe's pug Leila. I have a great picture of Leila guarding my bacon doughnuts. My own dogs would have said seriously? You want me to guard bacon doughnuts? And then they would have snatched them off the plate and headed for the hills.

Meanwhile, I'm still here in Eugene where I have had ample time to catch up on celebrity gossip, including gossip about celebrities of whom I've never even heard. Like Bethenny Frankel, for instance. Apparently she's on the Real Housewives of New York. She's also just had a baby and also hates her mother. Also, she doesn't want us to eat airplane food. That's the bit I'm most interested in. Because as I've noted here before, I starve when I fly these days. There's no such THING as airplane food for mere mortals like me who fly coach. Apparently Bethenny is in the front end of the plane. Holding her baby. Hating her mother. Whining about the food.

Heard from my writer friend Chris Crowe who said he's churning out 2500 brilliant words a day. I need to get back to writing daily. And doing a word count. I want to feel productive again, you know?

Baby now

First, I promise yall that I'll figure out how to post pictures before I leave.

Second, I remember a column I wrote as a young mother wherein I noted that for every pound of baby you had ten pounds of baby equipment. Well, it's a different world. Now for every pound of baby you have about one hundred pounds of baby equipment. When I had babies, you had a crib, an umbrella stroller and a car seat and everyone called it good.

Now there are strollers and buggies and swings and carriers and car seats and private baby learjets. I love the buggies the best. They remind me of the 50's when my mom strolled my brother up and down our street in Holladay when I was a wee lass.

It's great to see your own children and their spouses be such wonderful parents . . .

Here at last!

Eugene and grandbaby at last!

It took some doing to get here. My car (after squealing like a fourteen year old girl on a roller coaster) broke down out in the woods somewhere, which meant I had to be towed into town. The first bit of good news is that I totally bonded with another tow truck driver (this one is named Will) and I now have a pretty good idea about Oregon's gun laws which are looser than you might think. Get rid of Eugene and Portland and dude! Oregon is pretty much red meat!

The second bit of good news--GREAT news--is that at last I have held The Child. The lovely, butterball-y, pink-y, perfectly shaped lips-y, head-full-of-black-hair-y Child. Her parents are fantastic. It's fun to watch them make all the right moves. Carry on, fantastic parents!

I had the doughnut with bacon last night btw. I hate to say this but it was really tasty. Because. You know. Bacon.

Ta-da!

Bates Motel. And it LOOKED just like the old Bates Motel in PSYCHO. So maybe that was deliberate? But if so, is that the best of all possible advertising campaigns?

Meanwhile as I was flipping through the channels last night I noticed an opportunity to sign up for a summer recreational program called "Scuba Diving with Jesus." Who knew THAT was an option?

Oh. And I had a steak sandwich last night at a place called Meat Hook Steakhouse. I always love me a restaurant with the phrase "meat hook" in it.

What I saw on my way to see the baby

So I was driving on Highway 20 through Oregon when I spied a super run-down dumpy motel, and can you guess what it was called?

Talk amongst yourselves and post responses . . .

Life motto

My grandbaby's dad just called with this question.

Son: What's your life motto, Mom?

Me: "I work hard to remember everything in my life by what I was eating at the time."

Son: That's not the motto I was thinking of. What else?

Me: "Everything tastes better with bacon on it."

Son: YES! That's the one.

And then he preceded to tell me that Voodoo Doughnuts has just opened shop in Eugene (my grandbaby's home) and that they serve a maple bar WITH BACON ON IT.

As if a baby weren't enough to put me on the Oregon Trail . . .

Kelly Marie Wells

My thoughts are with a friend who passed away this week. I used to work with her at the bookstore, and I loved her so much that I named a character in an (unsold) book about her. The following comes from an e-mail sent out by TKE to customers today. I imagine it was written by Betsy or Anne--it does a good job of capturing Kelly's beautiful, fey spirit. RIP, Kelly.


"Kelly Marie Wells, a bookseller at The King's English for several years, passed away on July 5 due to heart failure. She was 29 years old.

"Kelly was brilliant, kind, and utterly besotted by books. Many of you will remember her beauty and her sweetness, but those of you who love books will remember the wide range of her knowledge as well as her absolute passion for good novels - and for anything that was well written.

"During the time she worked for us Kelly had made a splash in the book business nationally, known for her fierce love of fiction and children's literature and for her enthusiasm for the business of books. We at The King's English mourn her passing. We miss Kelly and always will.

"A full obituary and details about the funeral, to be held on Saturday, July 10, in Park City, Utah, appear in the Salt Lake Tribune."

Queen for a century

I hope y'all got to see Queen Elizabeth appear before the U.N. yesterday (I am saying y'all a lot because we have a cute girl from Mississippi staying with us right now).

Anyhoo. Here's the deal. She trumped herself on the hat front which (after 8 decades of focused mad hattery) is an impressive feat. Her hat looked exactly like the my cousin's son's Alice in Wonderland wedding cake (it's true--theme wedding!) with jutting angles and skiwampus layers all draped with fondant. So yeah. Queen Elizabeth apparently was wearing fondant on her head yesterday in New York.

God save the Queen, I always say. May she live long and prosper and continue to delight earth's citizens with her improbable headgear.

The week in review

1. Had a grandbaby. Daughter-in-law was completely awesome about the whole thing.
2. Attended a gorgeous wedding for a much-loved neighbor and the boy of her dreams.
3, Ran.
4. Read.
5. Talked to friends and fam on the telephone.
6. Celebrated my mother-in-law's 90th birthday. Best mother-in-law ever.
7. Hung out with many nieces and nephews and may I say they are the best. AND they always manage to choose fantastic spouses.
8. Watched fighter jets fly overhead.
9. Saw the sun rise and set every day of the week.
10.Felt lucky to be alive. Most of the time.

Happy Fourth of July, friends.

Fictionalizing for fun and for profit

First, thanks for your well wishes in re to Chloe Ann. They are much appreciated.

Second, I am starting to train for the St. George marathon. Right now I'm running in Liberty Park first thing in the morning and if it weren't for my iPOD I would be dead already from boredom. But I started a new diversion today. Every time I saw someone I tried to make up a beginning sentence of a novel about them. They're pretty lame. But at least it was something to do.

SENTENCE ABOUT THE LADY WITH TWO PIT BULLS: "A cop pulled up alongside Martha as she walked Gracie and George around the park and said, 'We've had a report that two dogs matching the description of these here animals were involved in an attack on the owner of the Shave Ice Sno-Shak."

SENTENCE ABOUT THE LADY WITH ONE DOG AND ONE BABY: "Her husband put down his coffee mug as she walked through the door and said, 'I want a divorce. You keep the dog. I get the baby.'"

SENTENCE ABOUT THE LADY IN A MINIVAN WITH A BUMPER STICKER THAT SAYS 'I LOVE MY CUB SCOUT': "Life had been good while her son was a cub scout. But then he became a Webelo."