Well. I found notes from Jr. High Health Class in one of the folders, including a piece of notebook paper labeled "Alcohol and Cats." Here's what I wrote:
"A doctor experimented on 13 cats with the use of alcohol. Cats forgot tricks they lad learned when under the influence of alcohol. Cats forgot fear when under the influence of alcohol."
At the time I'm sure I wrote all of that down a) with a straight face and b) without asking any questions. But now, of course, my face is not straight AND I have a lot of questions, which include--
1. What kind of a doctor was this anyway? What kind of doctor gets cats drunk?
2. Where did the doctor find those thirteen cats? Did he scribble "For a good time call Dr. Feel Good" on the doors of cat bathroom stalls?
3. What kind of tricks did those cats forget?
4. And, as my sentence indicates, did those cats learn those tricks while under the influence of alcohol in the first place?
5. Also, what kind of alcohol were those cats consuming? Did they consume that alcohol all nibbly-bibbly out of a saucer?
6. When cats forget their fear how do they act? Do they put Ever Ready batteries on their cat shoulders and dare dogs to knock them off?
If you know the answers to these questions, please contact me. Meanwhile, here's a picture of my cat in the garden this morning. He hasn't been drinking. As far as I know.
6 comments:
An HI-larious post from Ann. Just what the Monday called for. Me and your cat are going out for drinks after work, today. He looks like he could forget tricks with the best of 'em.
Cats and Alcohol seem to be the perfect combination for internet fun. The next semester you learned about Cats and Marijuana, I am sure.
See? we do get smarter as we get older. Totally all critical think-y up in here. I want to know who taught those cats tricks in the first place. The cats I have had have had tricks, but I never taught a cat one single thing. My cats have always been autodidacts.
So here is where I have to tell you about when our cat got drunk: My mom put out a saucer of beer in the garden to get rid of snails (because we all know how snails like to get sloshed and then die). The next time she looked in the garden the beer was gone, and there was a half-eaten snail shell. Inside, the cat held her head crooked, twitched her tail, attacked things that weren't there, and I'm pretty sure she forgot all fear.
What I want to know is:
1) How did the doctor get the cats to consume the alcohol, and
2) How did the doctor get the cats to do tricks? What kind of self-respecting cat performs on command for a human?
Your critical skills have jaded your approach to pseudo-science. Loved this, thanks for the clever post.
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