1. Make arrangements to meet your friend Lisa B. for breakfast at Bambara's because both of you are in the mood for the fancy.
2. Wake up and realize that TODAY! IS! THE! DAY!
3. Use a lot of exclamations points.
4. Get ready and head on downtown.
5. Park on the street and tell people walking by that you hate SLC's meter system and that secretly you're glad, glad, glad that the city has lost a lot of money on them because YOU TOLD THEM SO.
6. Except, of course, that now we're stuck with them.
7. Hustle into Bambara and get a table for two.
8. Sit there and talk to your waiter for awhile who tells you he likes your sweater with the seahorses on it because seahorses are awesome BECAUSE the dads have all the babies.
9. Take a look at your phone and see Lisa B's text apologizing for being late because she overshot Market Street.
10. Wait. Market Street?
11. WE WERE GOING TO ENJOY THE FANCY AT MARKET STREET AND NOT BAMBARA?
12. ANSWER: Yes.
13. Quick. You gotta get outta "Dodge," aka "Bambara."
14. Now comes the white lie part.
15. Tell your server you just received a text from your girlfriend who can't come because there's been an emergency.
16. Under no circumstances mention that the emergency is that her friend (you) is an idiot.
And that, my friends, is how it's done. You're welcome.