and i'm going to write many tiny essays about being one-handed. because really it's consuming my life. and also affecting every thing i do. like getting dressed in the morning for instance.
this morning as it took me 30 minutes to hook one hook on my bra--i'm old enough to wear one now--i thought how much easier it would be if i could just spray paint my clothes on. and then they would always be on. i'd rolled out of bed. and BOOM. they would be on. i'd step out of the shower and BOOM. they would be on. that is if the spray paint were water-proof.
and so i got all excited about this idea. and i even planned out my spray paint ensemble, including decorative daisies. and then it occurred to me that i would have to spray paint on my new clothes WITH MY LEFT HAND.
and that would be hard.
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5 comments:
The one-handed people of the world are rejoicing! How lucky for them that you should shed light on their plight. They would stand and give you an ovation, but, well, you know...
nothing like spandex-tight clothing to make one feel confidant!
Listen, you need to hook up with some kind of science wizard to MAKE THAT SPRAY PAINT CLOTHES SHIT HAPPEN. You are a total font of potentially make-you-rich ideas. Maybe your one-handed-ness has made you preternaturally wise, like a previously underutilized part of your brain has been activated by your status-of-one-hand. I don't know, I'm no brain expert. I'm just saying: whatever ideas come out of that pretty little one-handed head of yours? Probably golden. You should have the League of Scientists on speed dial, is all I'm saying. Followed by a patent lawyer, because someone's going to get the word about your One Hand that is Laying a Pile of Golden Eggs.
I'm with Lisa, you're the golden child. We better find someone better than Eddie Murphy as your body guard though.
I want to know if we can take advantage of possible pecuniary reward from your new insights about one-handedness so that Bob can cut back on his woodworking to bring on the bacon for the family table. Actually, I believe you will so appreciate two-handedness once you return to that state that you will try to forget all the insights you learned from your time as a one-non-dominant-handed.
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