Early in December I had a (TMI warning!!!!) breast infection that my fabulous doctor said was probably just--you know--a breast infection. However! There's an extremely aggressive form of breast cancer that manifests with the same symptoms, and so we needed to keep an eye on said breast. So I did. I kept an eye on that breast ALL MONTH LONG, which is why I now have a monster kink in my neck.
Anyway, the infection appeared to clear up with antibiotics. However, the symptoms reappeared this week, so Fabulous Doctor Mine got me in for a mammogram and ultrasound today.
It was interesting to sit there in my little mammogram gown, waiting for my exam while wondering if everything about my life was about to change. I realized then that I've been more concerned about the breast situation than I'd allowed myself to acknowledge--and that, in fact, my concern had (in certain ways) shaped the nature of this past Christmas season. During the month of December 2014 I was equal parts melancholy, nostalgic and deeply grateful for all the small sweet things that are a part of my daily life.
Now for the good news. Everything came back clean. I'M CLEAN! I'M CLEAN! So that's excellent news to start off a new year, right?
Still, I want to hang onto that sense that life is, indeed, fragile--and its very fragility makes our experiences all the more sacred.