You like a good dog story, right? Well, here's one of my favorites.
My girlfriend Becky and her family had this little mutt named Charlie. And because their last name was Brown, the dog's name was actually Charlie Brown. But whereas Charlie Brown the Cartoon was a sad sack, Charlie Brown the Dog ruled the streets of upper Oak Hills, because he was part terrier. And you know how terriers are. All bark and swagger.
Charlie Brown the Dog also had a genius for picking out the people who didn't like him. And then he would torture him. One of these people was a short round music professor in our ward whose feet used to dangle from the piano bench when he sat on it. Maybe I'm remembering that wrong, but he always looked a little like Mr. Toad from W in the Ws to me, and (of course) Mr. Toad had feet that dangled. I say that affectionately. I loved Mr. Toad in W in the Ws.
Anyway. Said music professor hated Charlie Brown the Dog, and Charlie Brown the Dog gloried in those ill feelings. It's like he kept watch all day, so that when Mr. Music Professor went for a tiny walk, Charlie Brown was there to ruin his life.
One night when Mr. Music Professor went for a walk (and I like to imagine that he went at night so he could fly under the radar and escape Charlie Brown the Dog's notice) Charlie Brown rushed him, which scared Mr. Music Professor so badly that he fell down. Which, okay. I know that's not funny. It's not good for dogs to scare music professors and make them capsize while on evening walks. I'm not THAT insensitive.
However, Mr. Music Professor's response was funny. To me and Becky at least. While he lay there on the ground, flailing about, he roared at Becky's mother, "SHEILA BROWN, YOU ARE NOT A CHRISTIAN!"
I think this may have been a little bit funny to Charlie Brown the Dog, too.