The scent of a woman

This morning I was in a gift shop that had these tiny little roll-on perfumes. They kinda looked like mini-deodorants, but they were from FRANCE, so of course they were way cooler than mini-deodorants. I decided to try on the "verbena" scent and gave myself a pretty thorough going over with the tester right there in the middle of the store. (Which reminds me, actually, of the time my little brother basically poured a bottle of Aqua Velva all over himself before going to a school dance. He was so potent we made him sleep in the back yard for a few months until the scent wore off.)

Anyhoo! I walked out of the gift shop smelling like a bottle of Lemon Pledge, and I was all really? Listen here, Fancypants Verbena Solid Perfume Stick! I don't care if you're from France. Who thought this fragrance was a good idea for human beings? Like, is any man out there gonna say, "My lady, she is so sexy. Girlfriend smells just like a newly polished piano."

I don't think so.

And now please excuse me while I go camp out in the backyard for the next few months.