Everything that's sick and wrong (but also so very right) about America in 7 words

Red velvet cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory.

It's too BIG! It's too ridiculously loaded with calories! It's sort of a disturbing concept, not unlike coffee-flavored yogurt! It's insanely expensive for a single dessert! It wears a scarlet letter "E" for "Excess" on its ample bosom!

But oh my. The people (nod here to Lisa B.). It's just so very damn good. You can ask my mom, too. She'll vouch. The two of us had some for lunch today.