Thursday, May 12, 2016

A big sprawling messy metaphor for my big sprawling messy life

I had a bad day yesterday.

I didn't want to have a bad day.  It was our youngest boy's birthday and who can't be happy that Q. came into the world?  It was also the day I nearly cashed in my chips during that whole birthing thing--seriously--so I usually take a moment on May 11 to consider how lucky I am to still be alive and that all of the transfusions didn't leave me HIV positive, which was a thing they worried about in those days.

But gah.  I woke up feeling truly melancholy, missing all kinds of things and people.  It didn't help that when I opened up my address book--one I've been keeping for decades now--I noticed how many friends and family have died.


And then my Avon lady came over and my dogs bothered her and the more my dogs bothered her the more nervous my Avon lady got and then they started to bark and then she started to bark (not really) and then when I locked them all up (not the Avon lady) they went crazy barking some more and I did think unto myself these thoughts:

1.  Three dogs are too many.

2.  I'm in over my head with three dogs.

3.  I want to slap my Avon lady for being afraid of dogs.

4.  Wow.  Wanting to slap your Avon lady makes you a NOT NICE HUMAN BEING.

5.  Why do I always take on more than I can handle in life?  And thereby create chaos and messes and half-assedness wherever I touch down?

Then I woke up this morning, went outside, looked at my crazy garden with way, way, way too much going on--no one is every going to give me a prize for being tasteful and restrained and possessing an artful eyes.  But I went shit.

I like this anyway.


Donna Tagliaferri said...

This is why I love you so much. Because I have a big sprawling messy life too. No matter what I make work for myself. My yard is too big, too much.....too many plants. So that is why I spent the day potting up more plants. I have plants everywhere....and I am constantly propagating more. Ann we live in abundance....its our personality! We have big spirits living in our bodies and we want to do everything and help everyone. And when 9 year old little girls are in the hospital we pray for them...we don't even know them and we pray for them. We have too many dogs because we can have too many dogs....we have friends for days because we love people...we love them....and because we have so many friends odds are against us that they will all remain healthy, or even alive. We have taken that chance on life. living small was not our thing. We have faith that life goes on, and we will see our friends again, and our dogs....we are "fouth day people" thats the day the plants are formed. and when other worlds need to be formed, you and I will jump in whatever traveling mode we use and go from world to world to world....all on the fourth day, and just fashion that world with trees, and plants and bushes and flowers of every kind. We will drop seeds everywhere...Its what we do. I love you so much for your honesty and openness and ability to make me cry. xxoo I am a better person because of you

Lisa B. said...

Oh, Ann Cannon. I am so with you on each and every point, even though I don't have three dogs. And yes: you are who you are, which is a big life-liver, and a riotous garden planter, and a beautiful mother and a fantastic friend. You are all of it. You are the living end. I love you.

Megan Goates said...

You are normal for wanted to slap the Avon lady for hating dogs. I would be more worried about you if you didn't want to slap her. xoxo

Emily said...

Yay! You're back. I understand about melancholy days and missing people. Messy lives are just right.