Lisa B. recently asked what my go-to Christmas movies are. And then she said she doesn't think she can watch IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE this year because it's too, too sad and I said RIGHT?! So I've been thinking about my reaction--why do I think it's sad. After all, the ultimate takeaway is pretty positive--a life lived kindly is a rich life, indeed.
I'm a little confused by my reaction, frankly. But here are my thoughts anyway.
Last year when Ken Cannon wanted to watch the movie, I had a mini-meltdown and said no, no, no because didn't he know that everybody who was in that movie IS PROBABLY DEAD NOW?
I realize this is a bizarre reaction, but I think it had something to do with coming up on the first anniversary of my dad's death, which happened during the Christmas season. So that reaction is purely personal and doesn't have much to do with the film itself.
But now, at this age, I find the movie itself heartbreaking--precisely because it is so very beautiful. The sets, the cinematography, the acting, the dialogue. And whenever I see Donna Reed's young face full of light, I am struck by the precious, sacred fragility of everything. Light. Youth. Beauty, Memory. Life.
Maybe that's it? I don't know.
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I have been musing on this, too, since you brought it up. For me, I think it has something to do with the realization that ALL of it is part of mortality. The wicked, mean people who never really get their comeuppance, the moments of desperate hopelessness, the sacrifice of desires and wonder at whether it was really wise or necessary, all of this is here right alongside teachers doing their best, children playing "Hark! the Herald Angels Sing" on the piano, kind and forgiving family members, etc. I used to feel much more relief at George's return than I can muster now. And as much as I believe in making a positive difference in people's lives, the weight of responsibility for the course of those around us is too much for any human being to bear. People are who they choose to be. Our presence or absence in any one moment is not make or break. It's such a beautiful, poignant film, but I don't have the stomach for it lately. It's just too painful to watch. So is life sometimes.
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