Wherein I am intimidated by an elderly woman in a motorized scooter

So yesterday I stopped briefly at Smith's Marketplace to buy some cheese for toasted cheese sandwiches.

But before I continue with my cheese story, I do want to ask a question: when did Valentine's Day become the new Christmas? Everywhere I looked, people were buying bouquets of flowers and little boxes of jewelry and gift cards and suddenly I began to wonder if those conversation hearts I'd bought at the Dollar Store and sent to my kids were enough.

Sorry, Kids! Your mother is a lame-o!

Anyway. As I say, I wanted to buy cheese. Sliced cheese because (yawn) I'm lazy. And also I like it extra sharp. So there I was, fingering a nice package of Tillamook that met all my personal cheese requirements, when suddenly this older woman (with no teeth) kind of assaulted me with her scooter and asked to see my cheese. So I showed her, whereupon she made me reach for another, much larger package of MILD cheese and read OUT LOUD how much that weighed and how much it cost just like my scary third grade teacher, Mrs. Rigby (who clearly was a nun in a former life because she always smacked my knuckles with a ruler) used to make us read story problems. ANYWAY. When I finished reading the relevant cheese data to her, she looked at me and asked with the superiority of someone who's way better at math than you are, "Now which one do YOU think is a better deal?"

Well, it was the cheese I didn't want. Obv. But I bought it anyway, because I don't want the scooter lady's spirit to haunt me in the years ahead.