How do I use this?

So we're back from an unusually eventful trip, including a go at the ER because Geoff got stung by a stingray. Not through the heart, obviously, like Steve Irwin. He'd be dead if that were the case and where's the fun in that?

Still. It got him in the foot and when he got out of the ocean I could see blood spurting like bloody Old spurting Faithful. It kept right on spurting until he joined us on the patio where we all stood around and watched it spurt some more because who in the hell knows what to do about stingrays if you're from stingray-free Utah?

Anyway. My brother finally put us in the car and we went to the San Clemente ER where they said stingray bites are SUPER painful. They loaded Geoff up with antibiotics and pain pills and told him to soak his foot in HOT water for 48 hours. Which he did. And now his foot is a prune.

It seems like there should be a column here right because what's a family for when you're a writer if not for exploiting purposes? But I can't figure out an angle.

You need an angle, folks, so it's not just an anecdote.