Chapter Eight: Wherein I discuss The Big Ugh, aka "junior high school"

In this chapter I will discuss how to this day whenever I find out that a kid is in seventh grade, I'll go "do you hate it?"  And I'm always surprised when they go "no!  Seventh grade is awesome!"  And then I call that kid a liar--sometimes to his/her face, but only if the kid's parent is out of earshot.

Anyway.  I hated junior high school and when I look at pictures of myself from then, it's clear why I did.  I was all nose and glasses and pimples.  Also, we had to do squat thrusts in gym class every day while wearing green jumpsuits.  My jumpsuit didn't fit.  Whereas my nose was too big for my face, my jumpsuit was too small for my butt.  Can you say uncomfortable?

The good news was that I had a friend who was as geeky as I was.  Gigi Ballif.  I also had a friend who was not geeky--Becky Brown.  She was elected "Miss Hi" and her boyfriend, Rusty Boshard, was elected "Mr. Hi" the first week of school.   I'm not making that up.  The good news was that Becky said hi to geeks.

And that's how we became life-long friends.

Chapter Seven: Wherein I discuss the Big Move

I will discuss how my parents built a house in Oak HIlls and also how I threw a hissy fit about that fact and so in order to entice me to move with them and not to finish out my life as a feral child in the foothills of Edgemont, they let me pick my own bedroom carpet.  So I did.  And it was a shocking pink shag.  And so my parents got it for their room, too, because it was cheaper that way.  Which led to my father once saying he was pretty sure he was the only defensive line coach in America who had carpet like that in the bedroom.

Wherein I share my favorite thing I heard today

So you know how I go to a rest home the first Thursday of every month to read picture books, right?  Anyway.  We have an elderly Downs resident there who loves Jesus and loves to tell stories about Jesus, and today she told me that Jesus was born in Bethlehem.

And also that he weighed 8 pounds and 6 ounces.

Chapter Six: wherein I discuss the Edgemont Years (grades 2-5)

It's not that my childhood was totally blissful.  Childhood never is.  But I certainly knew happiness riding my bike and hiking in the foothills and cavorting around the nearby cemetery with friends.  Also, there were night games and sun and snow and dogs and cats giving birth to many kittens behind the freezer in our garage and sleepovers and Mad Magazine and Tales from the Crypt and the Sears Catalog at Christmas.  Also there was my first boyfriend, Kendell Kelly, who's pharmacist dad gave his kids drugs so they wouldn't wake up early on Christmas because Kendell's dad was NO FUN AT ALL.  Other Edgemont doings?  Kurt Apostle told me there was no such thing as Santa Claus (tragic!) and Kendell Kelly told me about "it"(really?  And also ew!) and how you had to do "it" for forty-five minutes (also tragic!) if you wanted to get a baby out of the whole process.  It was hard to look at the adults on our street for  a little while after that.

Wherein I post another column

This was one of those weeks when I felt bone dry in the Creativity Department.  Hard to eek out a column when I'm feeling like that.  But you just keep at it.  Deadlines help.  I'm gonna stitch that on a pillow:  DEADLINES ARE OUR FRIENDS!

Chapter Five: wherein I am struck ill

In this chapter I will discuss the Epic Bike Accident when I was six years old which led to the Epic Infection that went systemic and attacked my Epic Kidneys, thus forcing me into the hospital and later into my bed for an Epic Seven Months--during which time I did not cavort much with other human beings.

Everything about me and my life changed after this illness.  It's probably why I grew up bookish and became a writer.

I know!  Turning Point!

Wherein I remember to take some pictures at a family celebration

Hey!  Happy Thanksgiving!

Hey!  Ken Cannon wants to say Happy Thanksgiving, too!

That was so much fun, we're gonna do it again!  Happy Thanksgiving!

Busted!  No more turkey for you, Jacques-fu!

Thanks for a great day, you two.