These are a few off the top of my head--
Q. Who is a dachshund's favorite politician?
A. Anthony Weiner
Q. How do dachshunds count off?
A. Eenie WEENIE Miney Mo
Contributions welcome!
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Happy Halloween
If I had a dachshund--which I kind of wish I did, actually (I would name him Kaiser Soze) (or maybe Gary)--I would be busy making Halloweener jokes right now.
BUT.
Since I don't, I will share a few early morning snapshots.
BUT.
Since I don't, I will share a few early morning snapshots.
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| Gnome party! |
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| Pull away shot of gnome party! |
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| The most awesome cat who ever lived! |
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| This isn't for Halloween. It's how I decorate all round. My style is totally Early Magic. |
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Tales from the crypt
Ken Cannon has a sideline business (for which he receives no payment) of running tours through the Salt Lake Cemetery. He puts on his Jungle Cruise hat and hops in his Jungle Cruise boat and guides one and all on a fascinating journey through Salt Lake's past. He did one of these gigs on Saturday for the Alta Club, and he was amazing. And also he gave me an idea for a column. Because I didn't have one yet. And I hadn't been pulled over by any cops last week, thus depriving me of material.
Here it is. Column!
Here it is. Column!
Monday, October 28, 2013
Blog Tour
My friend the writer and illustrator Alicia VanNoy Call invited me to participate in a "Blog Tour," which means I will answer the following questions and then tag three other writers I know to post answers next Monday. Sounds fun, right?
1. What are you working on right now?
A young adult mystery which has taken me entirely too long to write. And it doesn't even have a lot of pages, so I don't know what my deal is.
2. How does it differ from other things you've written.
It's a lot darker than what I normally do. Maybe that's why it's taking me so long to write.
3. Why do you write what you do?
Hmmmm. I don't know. I think I like to write contemporary realistic fiction because it doesn't require homework. When I write my column I like to write about ordinary daily things that somehow make me laugh or go wtf. Can I say wtf in a blog tour?
4. How does your writing process work?
When it comes to writing novels, I start with a character that I find interesting. Then I go looking for a story--a problem for that character to solve. Or not solve. When I write picture books, I tend to start with an incident (what happens when you're asked to babysit a fish, for instance) and then turn it into a narrative. When I have to write a column, I think about moments when I was most irritated or upset or embarrassed or whatever and then I mine them for their humor or insight. To paraphrase Wordsworth, humor is generated by powerful emotions recollected in tranquility.
1. What are you working on right now?
A young adult mystery which has taken me entirely too long to write. And it doesn't even have a lot of pages, so I don't know what my deal is.
2. How does it differ from other things you've written.
It's a lot darker than what I normally do. Maybe that's why it's taking me so long to write.
3. Why do you write what you do?
Hmmmm. I don't know. I think I like to write contemporary realistic fiction because it doesn't require homework. When I write my column I like to write about ordinary daily things that somehow make me laugh or go wtf. Can I say wtf in a blog tour?
4. How does your writing process work?
When it comes to writing novels, I start with a character that I find interesting. Then I go looking for a story--a problem for that character to solve. Or not solve. When I write picture books, I tend to start with an incident (what happens when you're asked to babysit a fish, for instance) and then turn it into a narrative. When I have to write a column, I think about moments when I was most irritated or upset or embarrassed or whatever and then I mine them for their humor or insight. To paraphrase Wordsworth, humor is generated by powerful emotions recollected in tranquility.
What people who apparently don't have enough to do spend their time doing
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| They sit on porch swings and take selfies with dead people. |
Saturday, October 26, 2013
You know what that is right there?
That's twelve dozen donuts in the back seat of my car, Son.
We gotta big freakin' donut transport going on here. I'm hauling them to the church parking lot for trunk-or-treat any minute now. BREAKER ONE NINE!
This is one of the perks of being a Church Lady, don't you know. Donuts.
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Tiny missives
Over at HTMS Lisa B. has been tearing it up with smart little letters to all and sundry. I am following her lead because imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. And I am sincere. People give me prizes for my high level of sincerity. (Thanks, Lisa B. for the idea.)
Dear Princess Kate,
My friends Shelley and Caitlin and I would like to be your visiting teachers. We will come visit you at the palace and bring you casseroles (including funeral potatoes!) and tell you amusing stories and hold George while you sit on the back porch and have a cigarette break. We won't judge. Obv.
Sincerely,
Your new visiting teachers
Dear Trib readers who are still yelling at me for sucking up to the cops,
You should try it.
Sincerely,
Someone who can't write about being tazed. Because I wasn't.
Dear Phil,
Thanks for the bike ride today. You're right. It's better to want what you have instead of wanting what you don't have.
Sincerely,
Your mother
Dear Sheryl Crow,
Thanks for letting me steal your lyrics. I used them in that letter I just wrote to my oldest son.
Sincerely,
Someone who just listened to a couple of your cds on the way to Logan and enjoyed them all over again.
Dear Doughnuts.
GET IN MY BELLY!
Sincerely,
Someone who wants you go get in my belly
Dear Princess Kate,
My friends Shelley and Caitlin and I would like to be your visiting teachers. We will come visit you at the palace and bring you casseroles (including funeral potatoes!) and tell you amusing stories and hold George while you sit on the back porch and have a cigarette break. We won't judge. Obv.
Sincerely,
Your new visiting teachers
Dear Trib readers who are still yelling at me for sucking up to the cops,
You should try it.
Sincerely,
Someone who can't write about being tazed. Because I wasn't.
Dear Phil,
Thanks for the bike ride today. You're right. It's better to want what you have instead of wanting what you don't have.
Sincerely,
Your mother
Dear Sheryl Crow,
Thanks for letting me steal your lyrics. I used them in that letter I just wrote to my oldest son.
Sincerely,
Someone who just listened to a couple of your cds on the way to Logan and enjoyed them all over again.
Dear Doughnuts.
GET IN MY BELLY!
Sincerely,
Someone who wants you go get in my belly
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