America's #1 Bubble Bath

So I have an Avon Lady.  I KNOW!  I feel just like Laura Petrie or Lucy Ricardo or someone else who lived inside my TV during the 1960s.

Anyway.  I love her.  She's great, and she works hard to keep my skin looking dewy.  Also, I must say that Avon turns out a good product at a ridiculously affordable price.  (You're welcome, Avon!)

One of the things I love about my Avon Lady is that she leaves things on my doorstep--little books and brochures and so forth.  And yesterday I came home to a flier called "America's #1 Bubble Bath" with the subtitle "Avon's Bubble Bath Has Many Uses."  WHICH I LIST BELOW.  VERBATIM.

1.  Produces "zillions" of bubbles that leave no bathtub ring.
2.  Does a beautiful job on washing cars, mobile homes, recreational vehicles, etc.
3.  Use it as a laundry detergent.
4.  Use if for hand washing or delicate laundry.
5.  Is it for a pre-soak on heavily soiled laundry, also great for "ring around the collar."
6.  It is the best blood stain remover we have found.
7.  Use it to wash windows.
8.  Clean appliances with it.
9.  Use it to wash dishes.
10. Bathe pets in it.
11. Cleans and shines bathroom fixtures and mirrors.
12. Use it on no-wax floors.
13. Shampoo carpets with it (either a whole room or just a spot)
14.  Use it wash walls and ceilings.
15.  With a sponge, shampoo furniture of vehicle interiors.
16.  It's recommended for children's baths by pediatricians.

The flier ends with this observation (all in caps) (in case we're deaf):  "AVON BUBBLE BATH SMELLS CLEAN AND FRESH--IT'S SO MILD.  IT IS NOT AT ALL HARSH ON YOUR HANDS OR SKIN!"

Okay, there are so many things about this list I love, I don't even know where to start.  How can you not love a product that not only cleans YOU but your pets and your mobile home as well?  And really wouldn't you love to watch an episode of PERSON OF INTEREST where John offers to pre-soak the clothes of the people he just shot in a little Avon bubble bath?  His journey from tortured anti-hero to  hero would be complete.  Redemption for real.

Please feel free to add uses of your own to this list.

Go, Lancers!

I've been tired lately.  And yes.  A little depressed.   So when I looked at my calendar yesterday and remembered I'd agreed to speak to a group of students at Granger High School, I immediately berated myself for saying yes.

Well.

I ended up having SUCH an extraordinarily pleasant experience--one of my best school visits ever.  The students were just so engaged.  So interested.  So nice.  And a lot of them had even read the book we were discussing--THE LOSER'S GUIDE.  I cannot tell you how rare it is for students to have read the book you're discussing.

I just want to give those guys and their teachers a great big HUGE shout out for being so terrific.  Thank you.  And thank you again.

Resolved

Resolved:  Today I will write.

Resolved:  Today I will not open another bag of malted milk eggs.

Resolved:  Today I will limit my consumption of Dr. Pepper and potato chips.

Resolved:  Today I will not quarrel with the Almighty.  (Both of us need a rest.)

Resolved:  Today I will pay lingering bills.

Resolved:  Today I will put on my Big Girl Pants and go to Nordstrom to exchange the sweater my mother bought for me.  (Nordstrom is--I'LL JUST SAY IT--intimidating for girls like me who buy all of their clothes at Target.  Or Old Navy.)

Resolved:  Today I will read instead of just camping out in front of the TV which I have begun to watch indifferently.

Resolved:  Today I will get out in the sun.

Resolved:  Today I will stay (mostly) away from facebook.

Resolved:  Today I will stop pointing out all the ways to myself that I think I have failed.

Resolved:  Today will be a better day than yesterday.  Because I'm gonna make it that way.

How to spend a day not writing

1.  Get up, full of determination to write
2.  Take a walk
3.  Take another walk
4.  Decide you can't think if your house is dirty
5.  Clean your house
6.  Look at your clock and realize you're supposed to be somewhere
7.  Turn a 2 hour commitment into 4 hours, because you decide to go to the library and to Target while you're at it
8.  Come home
9.  Answer your phone every time it rings
10.Text a couple of your sons
11. Watch the highlights of last night's Romney interview and reflect (depending on your politics) on how differently different folks will hear what they said--which is why silence sometimes is in everyone's best interest
12.  Eat some Brach's malted milk eggs
13.  Quite a few of them actually
14.  Look at the clock and realize it's 4:30

That's how you do it, folks.

Word to a writer from another mother

What my friend Shelley said on her fb page today (and, Shelley, I hope you don't mind that I'm quoting you here): "Ever spend so much mental energy planning a project that when you actually start tackling it you feel like it should already be done?"

I think we've all had this experience, right?

This reminds me of an excellent piece of advice Barbara Williams (a fabulous writer and an important influence on the Utah children's authors of my generation).  She cautioned against talking about a work-in-progress too much.  Doing so can diffuse the energy you bring to the manuscript.  Like, talking about it fires off all the dopamine in your brain, which makes you feel gooooooooooood, which makes you think you've already done the hard work of writing.

Which you haven't.

Just a little writing thought for the day.  You're welcome.

Authorpalooza!

. . . at Barnes and Noble in Sandy today.  It's scheduled to be from 1-4, but I'll probably only be there until 3.

I know.  Short blog post.  I'm still worn out from the Oscars blogging.

I'd like you and my newest column to go out on a date

Well, here's where I remember the walk across England.

Sort of . . .